


Made of Glass

by peterrrparkour



Category: Harrison Osterfield - Fandom, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), tom holland - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Harrison Osterfield - Freeform, Non-Graphic Violence, Swearing, spiderman homecoming - Freeform, tom holland - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-06-24 04:35:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15622662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peterrrparkour/pseuds/peterrrparkour
Summary: Inspired by the song "tumblr girls" by g-eazyTom insisted that they not form a relationship; too many emotions were risky. But, things get complicated, and Harrison’s involvement seems to only make it worse. “You and I, we’re made of glass, we’d never last…”





	1. Chapter One

**_“For your feelings, there’s no place, but you knew that from the start.”_ **

 

She tipped back her glass, downing the last drop of wine, and she fell forward laughing at Tom’s strange question. He held her steady with one hand on her lower back; the other running up and down her legs strewn across his lap.

  
“Is this some type of test? If I pick the wrong name, you’ll leave before we even started?” she teased, avoiding answering his question. He grinned and ran a hand through his messy, brown curls.

  
“No, love, I’m just curious, I swear!” Tom raised up his hands in defense as if surrendering.

  
“Mhmm. What, you’re jumping from no strings attached to naming our future kids? You make no sense to me, Tommy,” she accused him and put emphasis on his nickname that only she called him. Tom’s face paled a little at her words; it was true that he avoided entangling emotions when it came to them. He couldn’t risk heartbreak or any of the other drama that often came with relationships. But, in all honesty, Tom and Y/N meant more to each other than both cared to admit. She hid her feelings deep down afraid that if she showed him them he’d bail. He felt the same and worried about a girl holding him back from his future acting career.

  
“Well, if you’re gonna avoid the question, I’ll answer. I’d name him Dominic after my dad,” he played it off. She bit back a smile at his wholehearted honesty; that’s what she admired about him the most. He wasn’t afraid to show the world the real Tom. She felt bubbly and switched glasses with him finishing the last of his wine as he pouted in protest.

  
“Dance with me,” she commanded, stepping up and pulling him with her. She pulled him in closer, and he twirled her around, then slid his hands down to her waist.

  
“We don’t even have any music, darling,” he chuckled at her spontaneity. She was fun and outgoing: exactly the kind of girl he wanted to keep around.

  
“Then sing for me, love,” she mimicked his accent terribly bringing a smile to his face. His eyes lit up with that look she knew too well when he was planning something.

  
“You want me to sing?” he repeated back to her, as if, making sure she knew what she was in for. She tilted her head to the side suspicious and nodded slowly.

  
“Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider ca-” he got cut short by her loud laughter, and she shoved him away from her grasp. She walked into the kitchen to refill her glass with a brand new bottle, and Tom made a tsking sound from behind her.

  
“Problem?” she asked sarcastically putting her hand on her hip and looking Tom deep in his chocolatey brown eyes.

  
“No, no problem, just an observation,” he calculated infuriating her even more.

  
“Oh, and what would that be?” she responded coldly and moved closer to him.

  
“You get a little crazy when you drink, princess,” he snickered, and her face blushed pink. He broke the space between them and pressed his smooth lips to hers. This caused her knees to buckle, and it wiped away any memory of being irritated at him. He backed away from her touch, and something felt different; she scanned him up and down until she noticed he had stolen her glass of wine.

  
“Hey!” she shouted, grabbing for the glass, but he held it above her head as she leaped on top of him which caused the glass to shatter on the ground beside them.

  
“See what I mean? Crazy!” he grinned, and she buried her head in his chest giggling. Her chest burned after a while, and she gradually moved her gaze to look back into his eyes. The alcohol in her system removed any filter she had and made her feel courageous.

  
“Sometimes you make it really hard to love you, Tommy,” she smiled. He laughed in response for a brief second until her words really set in. His expression turned blank, and it took her even longer to comprehend what she had just said. Her smile faded away; fear and nervousness took over her body. She cleared her throat waiting for him to say something, anything. He just lifted her off of him and stood up to brush himself off.

  
“T-tom?” she shakily asked, still waiting for him to speak. She hurried over, stumbling a little as she moved, because of the alcohol that made it extremely difficult. He didn’t make any eye contact with her and pulled up his sleeve to check his watch; the action alone sent panic through her. His jaw clenched, and he finally looked back at her.

  
“I didn’t sign up for this shit!” he harshly spat, and it felt like a slap in the face to Y/N. She took a step backward away from him expecting him to quickly apologize for his rude remark. He didn’t. Instead, he brushed past her avoiding eye contact and reached to grab his keys. She moved quickly to place her hand on top of his in an attempt to stop him from leaving.

  
“I-I’m drunk! Of course, I didn’t mean that. We don’t love each other. I know that now come on, let's forget about that and head to my bedroom,” she stammered, while she put on her best fake smile. She slid her other hand to his neck craning it to move down, so she could kiss him. He swerved his head in the opposite direction and tightened his grip on his keys.

  
“Don’t touch me, liar!” he snapped. She didn’t want to let go, but this new side of Tom scared her. So, she pulled both her hands into her chest. Her lips trembled, her eyes filled with tears, and she wished with everything that this was just another one of his pranks.

  
He headed for the door without a second thought, and she let out a quiet gasp when he opened it to leave. Tom turned his head and gave her one last look; this time his expression seemed more sorry and pitiful than mad. He hardened his gaze and turned his back on her leaving without a goodbye.

 

* * *

  
Tom almost tripped sprinting down the stairs of her apartment building; he couldn’t breathe, and he desperately needed fresh air. Once he was outside, he let out an audible breath and ran a shaky hand through his hair trying to think about what he had just done. More like, why had he done what he did? It was all too perfect, and leave it to him to ruin a perfect thing. He had tried to fool himself into thinking what they had was just meaningless sex and messing around. The thought of opening himself up and being honest about his feelings for her made him feel anxious. He needed to think away from her; he needed some control over things. He felt the most control when he was boxing at the gym, so he made a break for it.

 

* * *

  
Y/N stared at the slammed door. She was frozen to her spot feeling so lost she couldn’t even blink. What had just happened? Her head felt fuzzy, numb, and raw like someone just ripped off a band-aid. She smirked at the thought; band-aids don’t fix bullet holes. The feelings Tom and she shared for each other are like a bleeding wound, and they just stick a quick fix on it with the idea of “not looking for love only looking for sex”. It was so apparent to her now, it was only a matter of time before one of them let their true colors slip, and she was just the first one to do so.

  
Her fingers trembled as she scrolled through her phone landing on a number Tom put in and told her to call in case of an emergency.

  
‘Harrison.’ It read.

  
Not thinking clearly, she pressed the call button forgetting that it was close to midnight; she was still drunk and depressed.

  
“Hello?” a confused voice answered.

  
“Um, hi, I don’t really know why I’m calling this number, but Tom gave me it just in case something bad happens. This is bad, but I don’t know if it’s what he meant by bad; you know, as I’m talking I’m realizing how crazy this is, so I should just hang up. I’m sorry,” she rambled on uneasily.

  
“Wait! Just breathe. Tom gave you this number? You must be Y/N then,” he concluded.

  
“H-how did you know that?” she wondered aloud.

  
“I’m coming over, yeah? It’ll be okay,” Harrison replied.

  
“What? How do you even know where I live? Just, nevermind, it’s fine,” she said, trying to convince him that it wasn’t that bad of a problem.

  
“I’ll be there soon,” he firmly responded, ignoring her pitiful attempts at covering up the situation. Then he hung up the phone, and she slid down against the wall to the floor beyond confused. If Tom didn’t care then why would this man know her name and where she lived?

  
Tom.

  
Just the thought of his name reminded her of what she said to him, and how he just swept her off like what they had was nothing! That's what it was supposed to be from the start: nothing. She shouldn’t have let it get that far, but she did; now, she was paying the price. She held herself tight and sobbed on the floor of her kitchen where it seemed like just a minute ago they were having another perfect night.

  
A loud knock interrupted her reminiscing. She was too scared to open the door, so she just sat there rigid and decided to pretend she wasn’t there. She held her breath and tried to keep back the sobs. The doorknob began to turn, and she cursed when she realized the door was unlocked.

  
A guy stepped in, and she was taken aback. He had a strong build, tousled brown hair, and light blue eyes that demanded attention.

  
“G-get out! I don’t know you, and I said it was f-fine!” she stammered, trying to sound cool and collected. He bent down to get to her eye level, and he reached his hands to hold hers. She took his hand before she even knew what she was doing. She didn’t know him, but she remembered seeing his face all the time in pictures with Tom.

  
“Y/N, Tom talks a lot about you; he also gave me your number and address in case something went wrong. So, I came here right away; it’s what he would want me to do,” Harrison reassured her.

  
“I don’t know anymore; he hates me now, and he called me a liar! I’m drunk! I didn’t mean it; I don’t love him. I know, I’m not supposed to do that,” she babbled out the story. He wrapped a sturdy arm around her and lifted her off the ground walking in the direction of where he assumed her room was.

  
“I mean it- I don’t love him! You can tell him that; I’m serious,” she continued to persuade him. They reached her room, and he started to lay her down under the covers on her mattress.

  
“If you really didn’t care about him, you wouldn’t have called me crying and upset. You would have shrugged it off,” Haz reasoned, making her feel exposed. She just stared up at him. He stood awkwardly not knowing what else to say or do now that he had picked her off the ground to make sure she was safe. He tried to think of what Tom would want him to do, but he already felt like he had crossed some sort of line listening to her.

  
“Are you just gonna stand there?” she questioned, making him even more uncomfortable.

  
“Do you want me to leave?” he asked back. She bit her lip and looked down.

  
“No…”

  
He self-consciously played with his hands and looked around her room deep in thought.

  
“I could, ah, sleep on the couch?” he offered.

  
“Or, you know, you could just sleep in here too,” she blushed, feeling just as awkward around him. She couldn’t believe she was offering her bed to a stranger, but, for some reason, the fact that Tom trusted him so much made her trust him too.

  
“Oh, I don’t know if T-, I mean…” Harrison sputtered, stopping before he said his name.

  
“He doesn’t want me anymore. I, just, don’t want to be alone,” she admitted. He had no idea what to do; he knew Tom better than anyone, and Tom didn’t share girls. She looked so broken and hopeless Haz would feel like an asshole if he left.

  
“Okay, well, I can stay for another 15 minutes I guess,” he compromised. She nodded and waited for him to slide in next to her. He felt warm to the touch, and she felt less alone in his arms. His intoxicating smell comforted her, and she fell asleep within minutes.

  
Haz looked down at the beautiful girl beneath him and worried about what he had gotten himself into. Yet, she looked so peaceful in his arms. Maybe… Tom was done with her, and this would all be okay. His eyes drooped from exhaustion. However, he couldn’t leave, or he would wake her. The sound of her calm breathing soon had put him to sleep too.

 

* * *

  
Tom awoke with a start. The flashbacks from last night hit him all at once, and he cringed at the way he had reacted.

  
Y/N, he thought.

  
He worried about what state she was in; she must feel terrible after how he left the situation. Guilt trickled down into his thoughts, and he couldn’t take it anymore; he had to apologize right now.

  
He bought light pink roses on his way to her apartment (her favorite). He had no idea what he was going to say or do, but at the very least, he needed to say he was sorry. He didn’t want to lose her, and maybe, last night was the wake-up call he needed. They couldn’t go on pretending anymore.

  
When he got to her door, he moved to knock, but he noticed the door was slightly ajar. This confused him and frightened him. Worried, he pushed it open and stepped into her apartment. The wine glass from the night before was still shattered in pieces on the floor.

  
“Y/N!” Tom called, waiting but hearing no response; he moved to her bedroom. He paused before walking in feeling sick like something wasn’t right at all. He once again pushed open the door… and dropped the roses to the floor.

  
“Harrison…” he sharply inhaled. Haz jerked awake, and as soon as, his eyes laid on Tom’s he shoved himself off the bed trying to distance himself from her.

  
“Tom, wait, it’s not what you think!”


	2. Chapter Two

_**“No, I can’t stay here and hold her, tomorrow act like I don’t know her”** _

 

“Tom, wait, it’s not what you think!” Harrison shouted after Tom, but he already hurried out the bedroom door feeling sick to his stomach at what he had just seen.

  
“Wait, Tom, please just listen to me!” Harrison called, again his best mate about to run out of the apartment. His hand paused on the doorknob trembling from his wild emotions running through him. He turned his head towards Haz, his jaw clenched and displayed his sharp jawline.

  
“I’m listening. If you try and feed me any bullshit, I’m out of here in less than a second,” Tom flatly stated, hand still gripping the exit tightly.

  
Y/N awoke at the feeling of no longer being curled up with Haz. The loud yelling only confused her even more. Her head swiveled to the door, and she spotted her favorite flowers scattered on her bedroom floor. Her heart pounded as the realization of what was happening set in along with the panic.

  
“No, Tom…” she whispered, to herself as she quickly pulled herself out of bed. Her head was still pounding from a severe hangover.

  
“Tom, sh-she was talking crazy on the phone, and I didn’t know what happened. I was worried, so I came over. I tried calling you, mate, all the way here, but you didn’t answer; I was even more worried. I got here, I saw the broken glass, and her drunk off her ass. So, I helped her get to her room. That was it; I swear, we just fell asleep,” Haz blurted out. His voice clearly shaken and laced with honesty. He hoped that his friend would believe him. Tom’s eyes averted his gaze and angrily glared at the floor throughout the explanation. She was supposed to be his; the thought of anyone besides him sleeping next to her, especially the person he trusted the most, hurt like a knife in the back.

  
“Tommy, it’s true,” Y/N voice wavered, sending another shock of heartache through Tom. He slowly lifted up his chin and met her eyes. She let out a soft gasp seeing Tom’s bloodshot eyes filled with water. Even though his abrupt departure the night before caused her a world of pain, she never wanted to make him feel the same way he did to her. In his mind, that’s exactly why she called up Harrison. To make him hurt the way she did. The thing was, his reaction to her confession was just a way to blow off steam; he would never have left them like that for long. Yet, she had no way of knowing that.

  
“Fuck you both. None of those sentences had the words ‘I’m sorry’ in them. Which, by the way, Y/N, is what I came here to say. I can see you already moved on. You say you love me but have a funny way of showing it. I see now that you weren’t lying; that was just the alcohol talking. We agreed to no strings; congratulations for really fucking taking that to heart,” Tom sarcastically ripped into her fragile heart. Her chin trembled, and she felt her entire body uncontrollably shake from the harsh words he threw at her seemingly without pity.

  
“Yo-you left, and you said you didn’t give a shit. S-so why do you suddenly act like you c-care?!” she retaliated. Harrison shifted uncomfortably in the background wondering if there was a right time for him to step in.

  
“Suddenly? Suddenly? From the very beginning, all I’ve done is care for you. I never meant it when I said it was just sex. The very minute I need some space to comprehend us, you fuck everything up because you’re so needy you can’t be alone for a minute without calling my person. You two assholes deserve each other. Glad I could bring you together,” he furiously fought back, and without another look, he left them to deal with the aftermath.

  
Y/N braced herself against the wall and tried to calm herself. Her heart was beating out of control, and she couldn’t breathe. She slid down to the floor and attempted to gain control over her breathing, quietly repeating “it’ll be okay.”

  
Harrison looked back and forth between the open door and the girl having an anxiety attack a few steps away from him. He knew his loyalty was with Tom, but after spending the night with her, he felt if he left now then it would all be for nothing. He ran both hands through his ruffled hair and knew he had to do what he felt was right.

  
“It will be okay. Okay? I’m going after him; I know him better than anyone, and I know he’s waiting for me to come after him. I’ll try to get him to calm down, so we can reason with him. Just, please, don’t give up on him yet,” Harrison pleaded with her, and she managed to nod her head in response. Harrison took that as his cue it was okay for him to leave. So, he rushed out and chased after Tom knowing the fate of his friendship was at stake.

 

* * *

  
  
“Tom!” he called, after finally spotting his friend running down the street.

  
Surprisingly, he stopped.

  
“Haz- I’m sorry mate. I know that you were just trying to make the situation better. It was just an impossible situation in the first place. I-I’m just really fucking hurt, okay?” Tom’s bottom lip trembled. Harrison rarely saw Tom cry unless it was on set. His fake tears were powerful and believable, but his real ones were for lack of a better word: incredible. It even set off a reaction in Haz. Haz bit back his lip as he felt his eyes fill with tears in response to the hurt he saw Tom in. The guilt was too much to bear, and he wished with every bone in his body that he would have made a decision that Tom would approve of.

  
“No, I am. I am so, so sorry. Please, let me make it up to you; take it out on me. Hit me, kick me, punch me in the face! I deserve it,” he begged, wishing anything could take away the guilt he felt. Tom just looked at him with his jaw dropped. He was shocked that Harrison set aside all of his ego; he knew how truly sorry he was.  
“I don’t need to do that to you; we’re good,” he finally convinced his friend.

  
Tom gave him his classic side smirk and held up his hand signaling he wanted a high-five. They both went for it at the same time and awkwardly missed each other's hands like they always managed to do. Laughing, Harrison just pulled him in for a quick hug instead. He was more than relieved to have his friend back.

 

* * *

 

  
The next morning, Y/N anxiously checked her phone repeatedly, waiting to see if she would get a text from Harrison about Tom. Nervous energy filled her as she saw the notification, and she clicked on it without hesitation.

  
1 new message from Harrison Osterfield:

  
“Tom and I are good now- think he regrets yesterday, gonna bring it up to him on set today”

  
She smiled at those words, re-reading the message over and over at least 20 times. She imagined that hopefully, by the end of the day they could meet up and he would apologize and maybe now that things were out in the open: have an actual relationship. She fell backward into her bed, arms wide in a stretch, a smile still plastered on her face. Maybe today would be a good day, she just needed to trust Harrison and keep a positive mindset.

  
She got up and went to her closet, and picked out Tom’s favorite: a loose, light pink sweater and white skirt. She blushed at the memory of the way his eyes lit up when he first saw her; he had that way of looking at her that made her feel like the only girl in his world. She had felt so lucky to have someone to care enough for her to have such a dreamy look in his eyes.

  
The memory kept replaying in her head, brightening her mood on her way to the coffee shop near her she always stopped in the morning before class. She thought of the time the morning after when she took Tom along with her, dressed in a “disguise” and they surprisingly weren’t caught. He had then walked her to her writing class, commenting on how proud he was of her creativity and her work. He had begged for her to let him see what she was working on once she said it was about him, but she had told him to be patient. Like always, he tried to change her mind by giving her his classic pouty face.

  
A loud series of screams broke her train of thought, and stepping into the shop, she looked to see what it was all about. Her breath hitched and her palms moistened with sweat once she spotted him.

  
Tom was picking up coffee, looking amazing in his favorite flannel she had cuddled with him in more than once. A few fans had surrounded him, and she could tell he was happy to see them and interact with them. He felt her stares and looked up to meet her eye contact. Seeing his favorite sweater, he began to smile at her, but before he let himself, his face flashed into something darker. She stepped back a little, and his eyes hardened and glazed over as if he never even noticed her in the first place. He said his goodbyes and headed towards her, towards the door. She felt frozen to her spot, immovable. He was just a few steps away and she opened her mouth to say something, but no words came to her mind, so she awkwardly stood there gaping at him. He paused for a second as he was right beside her, but he didn’t turn to look at her. He stared straight ahead, and without another moment to spare, he just walked away.

  
Her smile faltered. All hope that he would rekindle what they had diminished. Did he really just walk past her like she meant nothing, she thought. She felt incredibly stupid and naive. How fucking naive, she whispered to herself. Behind all the cameras and fame, she had been there for him. She was always there, no questions asked, even when times were rough for him. It was always more than just sex, and even if it was just that, she still would have expected at the very least a nod of acknowledgment. He never, ever posted anything about her, not like she ever expected that from him, but she still felt hurt that he never claimed her openly. She was just there behind the scenes, providing him relief and happiness, but only when it was beneficial to him. Tom wanted her to always be available to him whenever he wanted, and she had always complied out of love and respect for him. Now, standing in the coffee shop, totally rejected, it all came crashing down like one hard blow of air to a house of cards. They were already fragile; they were made of glass, just asking to be broken. All in one swift moment, one casual blow off, he had wounded her and their relationship broke into pieces like a shattered wine glass on her kitchen floor. It seemed like such a trivial thing, such a stupid way to break. So anti-climatic. A waste of passion. In fact, passionless.  
Storming out of there, she made sure to remember the feeling of this moment. How betrayed and used she felt; she was the unseen hand to his brilliance. But she wouldn’t feel sorry for herself. The only thing she could do was keep doing what she did every day. That wouldn’t be difficult. Because living her life wasn’t difficult. But seeing him walk past her like only a week before she hadn’t been coaxing him after a stressful day of filming, wasn’t simple.

  
He left her. Officially, that wasn’t just difficult. The pain was unbearable.

 

* * *

  
Y/N sighed as she closed her laptop, done writing for the night. She felt she wrote the best when she was going through pain; it was honest writing.

  
She looked at the wine bottle Tom had gotten for them, to celebrate and drink for the moment she finished her piece. Fuck that, she thought, opening the bottle, chugging it despite the burning in the back of her throat. Minutes later, she had finished and tears spilled down her cheeks. This was not the celebration she imagined. It wasn’t the same without someone there to support her.

  
She picked up her phone and her finger hovered over Tom’s number, imagining what would be the consequences of drunk dialing him. She scrolled past on her thumb landed on Haz’s contact. Despite the voice in her head telling her no, she ignored it and craved his company so it wouldn’t hurt being alone anymore.

  
He picked up on the third ring.

  
“Y/N? Everything okay?” he questioned, concerned. She laughed sarcastically at his question.

  
“Okay? No. Tell me how I’m supposed to be okay when he acts like he doesn’t know me? Me. I’m done though, Haz, I am doneee,” she slurred out.

  
“Just calm down, I’m sure he didn’t mea-” he tried to reason but she cut him off.

  
“He knows exactly what he means. His message was received, loud and clear. But I said I’m done. Now get your ass over here, already,” she teased.

  
“I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea…” he worried.

  
“He’s done with me, I’m done with him. That’s not complicated, it’s simple. Why are you making it complicated? He doesn’t own you, and he doesn’t own me,” she pointed out to him.

  
Haz hung up the phone. He threw it a few feet away from him, trying to put her off of his mind. He could have any other girl, he knew that he shouldn’t go for her. But she was right. They were both their own people, Tom couldn’t tell either of them not to be together when he wasn’t with her anymore.

  
Within fifteen minutes, he found himself knocking on her door, hair dripping from the rain that had poured down on him the whole way to her house.

  
She opened her door and at the sight of him, she wasted no time pulling him inside. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she jumped into his arms. They moved fast and didn’t spare any time to think about what they were doing.

  
He backed her up against the wall and she pressed her chest into his, not breaking the kiss as she pulled his shirt over his head. She smirked as she ran her hands across his chiseled physique, his hair dripping water onto her forehead, leaving small trails of rainwater to fall down her cheeks. Harrison’s strong hands gripped the outsides of her thighs, lessening the space between them further.

  
“Haz, take me to my room,” she commanded between each heated kiss. He broke away to flash her a quick smile and he nodded. She squealed as he tossed her over his shoulder and carried her to her bed. He threw her down onto it and was on top of her in a heartbeat, ripping her flimsy shirt in half as he leaned over her to trail kisses down her neck, down her stomach, to her upper thigh. He pulled down her leggings, and she grinned, excited that he made her feel so special and wanted. He stopped as he looked down at her, mesmerized by her body and how amazing she was. He appreciated everything she was and everything she wasn’t.

  
“Are you sure this is what you want?” he clarified, making her feel dizzy as his sparkly, light eyes looked fixedly at hers.

  
“I’m absolutely certain this is what I want.”

 

* * *

  
Tom scrutinized Harrison as he noticed his best friend avoided eye contact with him, acting so strange to him. He reached his arm out to grab his bicep, forcing Harrison to stop and look back at him. As soon as Tom looked into his eyes, he knew Haz was keeping something from him. Something big.

  
“What aren’t you telling me?” he grilled Haz. Haz looked away again, hesitating.

  
“It’s nothing, well it should be. She said you guys were done, and-”

  
“What?” Tom spat.

  
Harrison shakily looked once again back up at him. Tom gaped at him, not believing what he was hearing and seeing.

  
“You- you and her…” Haz just nodded in response.

  
Tom looked away, anger building up in his chest along with hurt and betrayal. He couldn’t think straight, he had no idea how this could be happening again, just after he learned to trust him again.

  
“Tom, she wants me so you’re just gonna have to find some way to deal with that. I’ve helped her constantly when you leave her broken. I’m cleaning up your mess,” he coldly put it. Tom grabbed his wrist, pinning it to the table.

  
“My mess. Not. Fucking. Yours.” he slowly with a lot of power enforced. Haz looked up into his best friends eyes, anger rising in his own body in response.

  
“Not. Anymore.” he retorted. Veins popped out in Tom’s forehead. Not only did he feel disgusted with what his friend had done to him, the fact that he felt no remorse made it even worse.

  
Before he even knew what his body was doing, Tom clenched his fist into a tight ball and swung it down with force into Haz’s jaw, a loud crack filled the room. He was so shocked he had no time to react. Tom’s blows only grew stronger, and they didn’t stop coming. Haz fell to the ground, his strength unmatched compared to the rage Tom had pouring out of him. He fought to push Tom off of him, but the blows kept knocking into him, draining all his energy as he began to fade out of consciousness. With one last punch, Tom knocked Haz out, his arms crumpled to his sides and bruises laced his knuckles. Tom sank down to his knees and the color red flashed in and out of his vision. Red for the anger that wouldn’t stop screaming in his mind. Red for the blood stains on his shirt of his best friend in the whole world, blood that oozed out of Harrison’s mouth, forming a little pool on the side of his limp head.

  
What had he done?


	3. Chapter Three

**_“And it’s tough for me to shelf it, it’s you I see myself with.”_ **

 

Tom paced the colorless, dull hallway of the hospital; he knew he should be in the room with Harrison but he couldn’t sit there and face the mess he made of things. He scanned his clothes, covered in his best friends blood and shook at the inescapable reality of what he had done. Tom debated just running out the double doors and not looking back, it was the only way he could clear his head and get away from the constant reminders everywhere he turned of his guilty conscience.

  
He started to make a break for it when the doors swung open and Y/N came barreling down the hallway in distress. She had her hair tied up in a messy bun and was still in her pajamas, he tried to shake the thought of how beautiful she appeared to him even when she had just gotten out of bed. He couldn’t think of her that way anymore, not after what had happened in the past 24 hours.

  
Then her eyes finally fell on Tom, and she stopped right in her tracks. He kept his gaze focused on the doors and pretended like he didn’t see her and kept moving past her.  
She couldn’t believe he was still acting like she didn’t exist to him anymore. But, this time she wasn’t gonna let him walk away without another word.

  
“Hey!” she yelled as he strode past. Tom wasn’t stopping so she ran up alongside him and snatched his arm aggressively. He froze, but still kept his head up and refused to look down to meet her furious expression.

  
“Oh so now you’re too fucking good for me you don’t even have the decency to look at me and, I don’t know, realize I’m a person standing in front of you?” she sarcastically berated him.

  
Finally, he took a deep breath in and slightly tilted his chin downwards, and stared at her straight on. She was a little surprised to see such rage in his appearance; she didn’t think he had a right to still be angry after he almost beat Haz to a pulp.

  
“Fuck you. Honestly, just… Fuck. You. I don’t owe you shit, I never have. You’re absolutely nothing, and that’s what you mean to me,” he insulted as his eyes threw daggers she swore she could feel stabbing her through the chest. Tom thought all his pent-up anger had been released, but seeing her treat him like some heartless monster who beat up his friend for no apparent reason only poured gasoline into a roaring fire.

  
Nevertheless, at his extremely harsh words, she seemed to grow not only angrier but perplexed as well.

  
“Who are you, Tom? Do you see what you did to him? If I’m really absolutely nothing to you, then why did you do it? Was it to prove some point? No one can touch anything the great Tom Holland once had,” she jeered. He flinched and was hurt that she thought he was that low and insecure about himself. It was like neither of them even knew who each other was anymore.

  
“I can’t believe you actually just said that. Harrison is everything to me, he’s like another brother and I trust him more than anyone in my life. But then, you came along. You. How did you manage to turn the most trustworthy, loyal person in my life to a backstabbing traitor?” Tom retorted.

  
She was taken aback, but at this point used to him walking all over her. After all, she knew it was because he still cared because if he didn’t he wouldn’t be saying those things. She opened her mouth to speak again, but he continued to rant before she could get in a word.

  
“Don’t- don’t even dare say you’re sorry. After that morning he was done with you, he felt so guilty he probably never would have spoken to you again if that's what I wanted him to do with my girl. So, what did you do, get drunk and say you love him? Wouldn’t be the first ti-” he discredited her but didn’t get to finish. She slapped Tom forcefully across his upset face, not holding back at all. He maintained his detached yet cocky manner by smirking at her attempt to wound him.

  
“You- you don’t get to act like you don’t know me one day and the next call me your girl,” she spat, taking one last look at the man she had grown ashamed of before she walked away from him to go and comfort Harrison.

  
She quietly opened the door to his hospital room and took a deep breath in an effort to calm herself down before stepping in. Harrison glanced nervously at her; after all, she was the reason his whole body ached in pain. He noticed Tom observing from outside the long, glass window. They locked eyes, and Tom simply nodded once in approval. Tom’s head fell forward as he struggled to bite back tears, and he bolted out of the hospital.

  
Harrison knew Tom like the back of his hand; the nod may not have meant much to anyone looking in, but it did to him. It was his way of saying he was sorry, but also that he would have done it again. It meant that Tom was granting him permission to be with her, he didn’t know why but if he had to guess it was because Tom was ultimately letting go of Y/N.

  
She didn’t speak as she stepped closer to his bed. Her eyes said everything she needed to say. She was sorry, but she wasn’t going to apologize for what Tom did to him. Even after everything, Harrison still put her pain before his own. He had heard every cruel word that Tom had viciously thrown at her; he wished he could have done more than just sit and listen.

  
Her fingers quivered as she reached out to gently stroke the side of Haz’s face, still raw from the intensity of Tom’s fists. She set down a bouquet of flowers on his side table, pulled up a chair next to his bedside, and clasped his hand inside her own.

  
They didn’t speak to each other for the rest of the night- if they had, it would have been only empty promises and discussions about a future neither one could fulfill. But, in Harrison’s mind, her sole presence was comforting enough.

 

* * *

  
Y/N smiled at Tom sitting next to her in the car, and he reached for her hand in response. She looked quickly back and forth between the road and Tom’s mesmerizing coffee-colored eyes. He leaned in to press a sweet kiss on her cheek, and she closed her eyes for a brief moment.

  
It was like all time had stopped. She slammed on the brake and swerved the car as best as she could out of the lane she had drifted into, but it was too late. They were hit from the side, and Tom flew out of the windshield sending shards of glass everywhere in sight.

  
“TOMMY!” she woke up with a start, breathing heavily and sitting upright in her bed. She ran both hands through her hair coated in sweat. It had all felt so real that it couldn’t have been just a nightmare. She stretched across her bed to grab her phone from the nightstand. In less than a second, her finger hovered over Tom’s number.  
It was 1:42 am. She knew she shouldn’t call him; that would be exactly what he was expecting her to do. Yet, she still had a horrible feeling in her gut, and she figured she’d rather suffer from a bruised ego than her anxiety at the moment.

  
She closed her eyes and shakily hit the dial button, praying he would pick up.

  
“Y/N,” Tom’s voice echoed through her ears and she let out a relieved sigh. He was aware of her sniffling on the other end and his heart felt like it broke into a million little pieces hearing her voice after weeks of not speaking to each other since their fight at the hospital.

  
“Are you… safe?” she managed to speak.

  
“Yeah, darling, I’m okay, I’m safe,” he reassured her, without question. She smiled at the word darling coming from his lips; that one word brought back a hundred memories all at once and with it the realization that she couldn’t deny her love for him. She knew she’d never stop loving him. He would always remain in her thoughts and she couldn’t live with that torment forever.

  
“Tommy…” she whispered. His heart swelled; nobody except her could call him that and she took advantage of that whenever she saw fit.

  
“I’m so, so sorry can we just start ov-” she offered, but stopped once she heard another woman’s voice in the background of their phone call, ‘Tom, are you coming back to bed?’

  
Tom instantly felt flustered and rushed out of his bedroom, glaring at the woman in his bed as he slammed the door shut.

  
“Y/N, I-”

  
“No, nevermind, you’re busy- it’s fine,” she blurted out, trying to cover up the sobs that were escaping her mouth. He felt terrible hearing her cry harder and tried to explain.

  
“I’m sorry, I don’t have any right to call you or judge you after what I did, so I’ll just let you get back to… her. Goodbye, Tom,” she hung up just as he was about to ask her to wait.

  
He angrily chucked his phone across the room, yelling a stream of cuss words at himself for being so stupid. To make matters worse, the girl he slept with attempted to walk over to him.

  
“Please, can you just go? I-I need to be alone right now,” he begged, and it all hit him like a slap in the face when he realized she was a huge mistake he made to cover up his heartbreak.

  
Y/N curled up in her bed, the tears not stopping. The only positive she got out of their phone call was a bit more closure. If they weren’t meant to last, at least their final conversation wouldn’t be a fight in a hospital.

  
Her thoughts lingered to Harrison and their relationship since the fight. She hadn’t called him since he was released from the hospital. She wanted to give him space and if he wanted her, he would call her. But at the moment, she needed to be with him anyway, and against her better judgment she called him up.

  
“Hey, Haz how are you?” she questioned as soon as he picked up the phone.

  
“Y/N it’s 2 in the morning, is everything okay?” he worried.

  
“Yeah…”

  
To Harrison, that was probably the weakest and most unconvincing ‘yeah’ she had ever let slip.

  
“I’m coming over,” he commanded, and without waiting for her approval, he hung up the phone. He practically jumped out of bed and sprinted out the door to get to her.  
In less than fifteen minutes, he pounded profusely at her door, desperately awaiting her response. She hurried to answer it, stumbling along the way with a nearly empty bottle of wine in one hand. She flung open the door; he was out of breath and dripping wet from the rain. He scanned her red, puffy eyes and swooped in to snatch the wine bottle only to set it down far from her reach. She was clearly a sobbing wreck and collapsed into him at the sight of him. Harrison looked at her with pity and stroked her hair while he walked her back to her bedroom. They slipped under the covers, and she didn’t hesitate to snuggle into his embrace and drink in his familiar minty scent. He smoothed her hair and slung his other arm protectively over her body, pulling her in tighter.

  
“I-I called him, I had a nightmare, and I needed to see if he was okay; he was probably more than okay because h-he wasn’t alone” she sniffled.

  
“Oh, Y/N…” he muttered as she looked up to him, her eyes glistening. Harrison felt a pang in his chest; it was all so complicated. He was smart enough to know that no matter what happened, no one would end up happy. All three of them cared for each other in some way. He knew that he should’ve given her more space, but he couldn’t let her drink herself to death because of the pain Tom inflicted on her.

  
“What do you want from me? Because I know you love Tom, and I don’t know if I can keep being your backup plan for whenever he hurts you. And he will keep hurting you. I’m sorry, but after tonight, I’m not coming back until you choose, because it’s just too painful for me,” he stated. She completely understood why he felt the way he did, and she hated how unfair she was treating him. But, she couldn’t just choose; how could she just choose? What if she chose Tom, and he decided he didn’t want her anymore? What if she chose Harrison, and he couldn’t commit because of his loyalty to his best friend?

  
She pushed those thoughts aside, nodded, and burrowed herself deeper into his chest. She wanted to enjoy the fragile moment before it all shatters when he would leave in the morning.

  
“Hey, Haz?” she whispered up into his ear, sending chills down his spine.

 

“Uh, yeah?” he nervously replied. She moved her hands down to the bottom of his shirt and she slowly began to move it up, signaling she wanted it off.

  
“Let’s make tonight count” she began to sit up and tried to take off her shirt, but her limbs felt numb and immovable. She giggled at him, and fell forwards onto him, and straddled him, pressing her lips to his neck. He helped her take off her sweatshirt and his jaw dropped at the sight of her lacy black bra. He sat up, her legs still around him, looked into her eyes… and saw pain. No matter how much she wanted him, she still wanted Tom too. Even if she cared for Harrison, she was still using him to deal with her sadness. She moved in to kiss him further, but he held up his hands to keep her from coming closer. She whined and flirtily smiled up at him, giving him a pouty frown, obviously wanting to continue.

  
“Y/N, you’re drunk, like last time. That was a great night but I’m sure you regretted it later,” he tried to talk her out of it.

  
“Yeah, except I won’t regret this and I know what I want,” she persisted. He examined her with his irresistible, deep blue eyes, and she threw her head back grinning; he leaned in closer.

  
“I want you all to myself; when you’re ready for that, but I can tell, right now, you definitely aren’t,” he killed her excitement.

  
“Fine, my head hurts anyway,” she snapped and turned away from him. He flipped her back over and smiled at her stubbornness.

  
“Then I’ll make us coffee,” Harrison refused to give up on her, and she loved that about him.

  
“Okay,” she bit back a smile as he got up. She pulled the sheets around her tighter, and before he left he quickly brushed a kiss on her forehead. A few minutes later, he came back with two steaming cups; however, she was already fast asleep.

 

* * *

  
Y/N awoke to feel an empty space beside her in bed. Confused, she turned her head and noticed a folded note on her bedside table. Smiling, she turned over to grab the note and sat up as she deciphered his sloppy handwriting.

  
‘Y/N, I’m willing to wait for you; I have all the time in the world :)’


	4. Chapter Four

Y/N sat in on a creative writing workshop; she gripped her pen stiffly and looked down at the empty paper in front of her in frustration. Writing always came easily to her; the words just flowed out without much effort but not today. Something inside of her felt unnatural and really, really wrong. She clutched her stomach in pain and ran out of the classroom in a hurry. Before she could make it to the bathroom, she hunched over a hallway trash can and emptied out her guts. She sank to the floor too anxious to go back to class. She wondered if this was just nerves over the choice she was facing or was something seriously wrong with her?

  
She wasted no more time; she headed straight for the nearest hospital. Maybe, she was overreacting, but something was different; she knew enough to trust that feeling rather than just push it away.

 

* * *

 

  
Y/N restlessly fiddled with the buttons of her coat awaiting the series of test results she had taken. In her head, she had gone through all the possible outcomes, and she couldn’t shake her worst fear: cancer. She pictured a hopeless future of chemotherapy appointments; all by herself because neither Haz nor Tom wanted to love a girl with a death sentence.

  
“Y/N Y/L/N?” a monotone voice called from the opposite side of the waiting room, and a rush of adrenaline overcame her. She followed the doctor into a separate room picturing the words, “we regret to inform you that, sadly, you have cancer; there are a number of treatment options…” She took a seat across from the doctor and gripped the chair until her knuckles turned pale white.

  
“Okay, can we just cut all the bullshit? How many years do I have left in me?” she blurted out, skipping the typical formalities.

  
“What- what are you even- no, no, Miss, you aren’t dying…” he bit back an amused smile trying to keep a professional composure. She just blankly stared back at him in disbelief not sure how to respond.

  
“This might come as a surprise, or this could be great news; it’s up to you how to take it. You aren’t ill- you’re pregnant,” the doctor informed her softly smiling probably expecting her to be excited.

  
“I’m pregnant- with… With a baby? There is a baby... inside of me right now? Are you sure?” she cross-examined him, not willing to accept the news.  
“Yes, I have your blood test results right here if you don’t believe m-- Um, where are you going?” he continued to explain, but she flung open the door and sprinted to the glowing red exit sign.

  
She couldn’t comprehend it. However, she had to.

  
Then it dawned on her- the baby had to be Tom’s. They never exactly used protection; how fucking stupid, she reflected.

  
Tom…

  
She couldn’t even think about how he would react. The worry began to eat her apart; the words ‘I didn’t sign up for this shit’ echoed through her brain from the last time she confessed something to him.

  
He would throw her away; he would tell her the baby was someone else's, or he would leave.

  
She couldn’t handle any of that stress; she had to be the one to leave.

  
She pulled out her phone and checked the earliest flights she could catch; she didn’t care where. Anywhere except where she was would do.

  
New York, departing in 90 minutes.

 

* * *

 

  
Back at her apartment, she threw only essentials into her suitcase. She just needed to leave as fast as possible before she changed her mind. In the midst of the chaos of packing, she reluctantly dialed Tom’s number. It went straight to voicemail.

  
“Hey, Tom, it’s me… We haven’t talked since that night, and that’s not exactly why I’m calling. I don’t know if there's any good way to say this, but I’ll just be brutally honest with you. Tom, I-I’m pregnant. I know it’s yours. I can’t do this; I can’t do this with you, and I know you wouldn’t want to do this with me either. So, I’m just gonna save us both the trouble and leave as soon as I can. I booked a flight to New York, and I’m leaving in an hour. I just thought you should know… I guess this is officially goodbye,” she spoke her mind holding back nothing from him.

  
She sucked in a deep breath and slowly released it feeling confident that she was doing the right thing for herself and for Tom. Before she shut the lights off and said goodbye to her apartment, she paused at the door. Memories came in waves of the times she had shared here with Tom and Haz.

  
Harrison…

  
She couldn’t worry about another thing at the moment, so she shoved him to the back of her mind for another time.

 

* * *

 

  
“Cut!” the director bellowed, and Tom headed over to Harrison to take a break. He clicked on his phone and sharply inhaled at a notification indicating a missed call from Y/N.  
He pressed on the message and held the phone close to his ear. ‘I guess this is officially goodbye…” The words went right over his head. It was all too much to handle in a 30-second voicemail. He couldn’t believe she just casually dropped the news on him like a bomb and then planned to leave without a real goodbye.

  
His gaze flickered to his watch; he had a mere 25 minutes before she flew away thousands of miles from everything they had experienced together.

  
“Tom, is everything alright?” Harrison questioned, noticing his best friend’s horrified expression.

  
“I have to go right now,” he answered, confusing Haz even more.

  
“But- we’re in the middle of shooting Spiderman, you’re in costume; you can’t just leave,” he tried to reason with him.

  
“Watch me, bitch,” Tom snapped as he began to ditch the set.

 

* * *

 

  
Y/N hesitated before boarding the plane. In the back of her imagination, she hoped someone would stop her and give her a reason to stay. The fact that she was all alone proved to her that she was making the right choice after all. She took one last glance behind her and stepped forward leaving the past where it belonged.

 

* * *

  
Tom flew through the crowds, shoving confused passer-by's marveling at his suit out of the way. He made it to the terminal departing to New York out of breath and sweaty. He ran up to the desk and practically shouted at the attendant.

  
“You have to let me in! I have to get on the plane right now! My girlfriend is there, and she’s alone, and she thinks that I don’t care but I do! I want this baby, and why the fuck aren’t you doing anything to stop the plane?!” Tom cried out, pointing angrily to the plane that was beginning to head down the runway.

  
“Sir, can you kindly step away before I call security,” she responded, too calmly for his liking.

  
“No, I won’t fucking step away; did you hear anything I just said? My pregnant girlfriend is alone and scared. I have to talk to her right fucking now, so how about you just step aside! Okay?” he struggled to convince her only making the situation worse.

  
Two security guards spotted Tom and strutted over to him in preparation to remove him.

  
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry; how about you just book me for the next flight to New York?” he pleaded, using his good looks to persuade the attendant.

  
She pursed her lips, shot the guards a look, and started typing on her monitor.

  
“We have another flight that leaves in 45 minutes,” she stated, a slight tone of sympathy evident in her voice.

  
“Okay, one ticket please,” he responded in a calmer manner.

  
He moved to the side to take a seat when he noticed a familiar purse on the seat next to him. It was hers. He breathed in a sigh of relief; he was glad her forgetfulness was actually a blessing in disguise.

  
Now, all he had to do was wait, and hope it all went according to plan.

 

* * *

  
Y/N yawned as she strode down the walkway. She smiled at the fact that she was in New York: ‘concrete jungle where dreams are made of.’ She reached down to her side to grab her wallet from the inside of her purse.

  
Panic ripped through her-- the purse was gone. She racked her brain for the last time she had it, and that was at the London airport. She had no money, identification, nothing except clothes, and a baby growing inside of her.

  
Hopeless, she plunked herself down on a row of chairs and decided to close her eyes for a minute until she thought of a better option.

 

* * *

  
Tom anxiously tapped his foot, waiting for the people in front of him to hurry off the plane. He rehearsed in his head the entire plane ride what he was going to say to her once he found her. He even wrote it down multiple times word for word.

  
Finally, he made it out into the airport. He looked down at himself and realized in embarrassment he was still wearing his Spiderman suit, and it made sense as to why everyone he passed scanned him up and down. He had nothing except her purse in his hands which further explained the weird looks he got.

  
He rushed up and down the aisles desperately hoping he would turn the corner and find her. Thirty minutes later, he was nothing but exhausted, and he plopped down on a chair. He ran both hands through his messy curls beyond stressed out. He set the purse on the chair next to him but pulled it back once he noticed a pair of feet propped up on it.

  
“I’m sorr- Y/N!” he shrieked. She flinched awake, and her jaw dropped at the sight of him.

  
“Tom! Wait, why are you here? How did you even get here?” she grilled him. He moved to help her sit up and sat so close to her his skin tingled at her touch.  
“Y/N, love… I had everything I was going to say to you planned out, but those words don’t describe what I’m feeling right now,” Tom struggled to explain.

  
“Okay…” she left it up to him to do the talking.

  
“I haven’t given you any reason at all to put your trust in me, and I know that. I’m so sorry about that. But, this baby, our baby. It has to be a sign. A sign that we’re meant to rise above the odds stacked against us. I’m terrible at expressing my feelings, but I’m trying. I’m trying for you, for us. Please, don’t leave Y/N,” Tom shuddered at the thought of her leaving him.

  
She melted at the sight of the love of her life finally opening up and revealing his true self.

  
“So, you actually want to have this baby with me?” she confirmed in disbelief.

  
“God, yes! I’m thrilled for us. We’re having a fucking child together! I’m going to be a dad!” he grinned and held her head in his hands. She slowly met his eyes and saw the pure joy in them. Maybe, he was right. Maybe, it was a good thing she wondered.

  
“This was your plan all along wasn’t it?” she asked suspiciously.

  
“Darling, I don’t think that far ahead. For you, I will now,” he pledged.

  
“Can we go home now?” she teased. He laughed boyishly and pulled her up.

  
“Only if we take the jet instead,” he compromised.

 

* * *

  
Harrison checked his phone repeatedly; he was extremely concerned that neither Tom or Y/N answered any one of his multiple calls. He feared that Tom hurt her again and was off blowing steam while she was drinking away her pain as usual.

  
His phone beeped, and he jumped for it immediately.

  
One new message from Y/N

  
His breath hitched, and he opened it in less than a second.

  
‘Haz, can you meet me tomorrow, we should talk.’

  
He texted back right away smiling like a dork at his phone. This was it. She actually chose him! He couldn’t contain his excitement to see her. There was no other reason for her to text him; he specifically said he couldn’t see her again unless she committed to him. It all seemed to make sense; she must have broken the news to Tom that she was choosing him instead, so Tom was avoiding his messages out of jealousy.

  
Harrison felt a pang of pity for Tom. Afterall, he had her first. However, he ruined his chances with her while Haz treated her right every time.

 

It felt good to be the one.


	5. Chapter Five

**_"You're asking will he be the one, I'll be gone before you're done tonight."_ **

 

Harrison anxiously paced the winding pathway at the quiet park Y/N asked him to meet her at. The two cups of coffee he held in his hands slowly burned into his palms, like the feeling he felt in his heart over the wild ride he was on with her. He had thought he knew what she wanted, but she had him at the end of a string, always jerking him around back and forth with no clear-cut future.

  
He turned around at the sound of her heels clicking, euphonious to his ears. She looked stunning, like always to him, simply wearing a loose grey sweater and jeans. Every little thing she did was effortlessly beautiful and only served to draw him in more and more under her spell.

  
“Hey, Haz…” she greeted him, and he knew right away by the tone of voice something was upsetting her. He met her with open arms and slid the warm coffee cup into her shaky hands.

  
“So, what did you need to tell me?” Harrison cut to the chase. She reluctantly looked down, searching for the right words to say, but there were none in this situation.  
“Haz, I can’t sugarcoat this…” she started off and Harrison gulped. He wanted to run away from her so he didn’t have to face the reality of her choice. He could already feel the tears stinging in his gorgeous blue eyes threatening to spill over, but he held them back and clenched his jaw.

  
“Oh, so you chose Tom. I see,” he cooly assumed.

  
“No! Well, I mean, yes, except there's more to the story than that,” she struggled to explain.

  
“Is that so,” Harrison savagely responded, refusing to look her in the eyes.

  
“Please, please just listen to me! I… I’m pregnant, and we both know it has to be his,” she finally admitted. He choked on the coffee he was sipping, sending spurts of it all over his clothing. His expression changed in a heartbeat, appearing more concerned than hurt and angry.

  
“You… Oh, well, that’s, uh… Good news, then?” he walked on thin ice, careful to not say anything he shouldn’t.

  
“Yeah, we’re keeping the baby. Maybe this was how it was supposed to go, you know? Fate made the choice for me, I guess,” she pondered aloud. Harrison sucked in a breath; he had no idea how to react or how to feel.

  
“I guess so,” was all he could think to say. She made him look her in the eyes, and she held firmly onto his hand.

  
“I’m sorry, Haz. For the record, I was going to choose you…” she confessed as if that should make him feel any better about the shocking news. He turned his gaze away from her, worried his tears would start to pour; he didn’t want her to see he was affected by her.

  
“Well, congratulations. Good luck with Tom, we both know how well he’s treated you in the past,” Haz sarcastically pointed out.

  
“Harrison-”

  
“No, NO! Don’t even fucking say another word. I come here, expecting to hear that you made your choice, me, the right choice. Not this, never in a million years. And then you fucking tell me that you would’ve chosen me? Do you think that makes me feel better?” he spat out, letting her have it now.

  
“I’M SORRY! I’m sorry, okay! You act like this was easy for me to decide! You know, I am the one who is pregnant here! I’m still in school, I didn’t ask for this, and I certainly didn’t ask for you to treat me like some knocked-up whore!” she cried, not ashamed of the tears she couldn’t hold in. Haz’s expression softened, and he raised a hand to brush the tears off her cheek, but she smacked his hand away.

  
“Fine, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I really am. You’re right, this was probably meant to happen this way. No hard feelings, alright?” Haz pretended to accept her decision. She breathed a sigh of relief.

  
“Yeah, no hard feelings…” she agreed, not sure what was left to say.

  
“Well, goodbye Y/N, and really, I wish the best for you two,” Haz gave her his blessings. She took one last look at the kind-hearted man she had left broken more than once. As he turned to walk away, she lunged into him. She buried her face in his chest and he wrapped his strong arms around her tightly, afraid to let go of her for the last time. She pulled away and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, her parting gift.

 

* * *

 

  
“Darling, which shade of yellow do you like better? Lemon, dandelion, or bumblebee?” Tom questioned, deep in thought over the color they should paint the nursery. She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and gave the back of his neck a quick peck.

  
“Hmm, I actually like pineapple better,” she answered. Tom rolled his eyes at her choice.

  
“Ohhh, excuse me, I forgot I’m talking to the yellow paint expert,” he teased playfully. She tossed her head back in a sweet laugh, and Tom turned around to face her. He flung her over his shoulder and carried her to the kitchen, while she kicked at his chest stubbornly.

  
He swung open the fridge door and snatched the can of whipped cream before she could fight him off. Tom released her, but not before he doused her face in a flurry of cream.

  
“Tommy, stop! I surrender!” she screamed and pushed him away while wiping it off onto her sleeve.

  
“Only if we paint it dandelion yellow!” he demanded first.

  
“Fine, fine! You’re the yellow paint expert!” she gleefully appeased him. He smugly grinned as he put the can back in the fridge; she took the chance to run off into the nursery.

  
“Hey! What are you up to, love?” he cautiously walked back to meet her. As soon as he stepped into the room, she hurled a wad of yellow paint at his chest. His jaw dropped in surprise, and this time he was the one to hold up his hands in surrender.

  
“Princess, you’re going to have to pay for that!”

 

* * *

 

  
Harrison looked out into the deep, pitch-black midnight sky, alone on the bridge. He often came back to the spot, to reflect to himself. His eyes were glossed over, no more tears left to cry over her. He had to move on and save himself from the pain that would follow if he didn’t. He imagined Tom and her right at that moment, probably decorating a nursery, and he tried to shake his head of the thought.

  
He couldn’t think of her anymore. He would box off all their memories and shove them deep down where he wouldn’t let himself think of them. Of what they could’ve had together.

  
Haz reached into his coat pocket and removed a shiny object he’d been keeping for a special moment. He knew it was probably way too fast, but after they had slept together he thought she was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Now, every time he looked at the ring his throat closed up and his heart throbbed.  
He knew what he had to do.

  
He toyed one last time with the engagement ring and leaned his hand over the edge of the bridge. He closed his eyes and took a single breath as he released it into the churning waters beneath him, praying it was the right decision.

 

* * *

 

  
Tom groaned as Y/N shook him awake on the nursery floor, where they had spent the night. He tried to turn over and pretend he didn’t feel her tugs on him.

  
“Tommy--help…” she managed to whisper, and he immediately turned back over to see what was wrong. His eyes fell into a panic at the sight of her writhing in pain on the floor.

  
Blood pooled from between her legs and she clutched her abdomen in stinging pain.

  
There was too much blood.

  
Tom’s thoughts flashed back to when Harrison’s beaten up body had laid underneath him, bleeding because of his actions.

  
“No, no, no Y/N!” he yelled out as he moved to scoop her frail body into his trembling arms.

  
“Tom- I… I don’t know what’s happening,” her voice quivered, and her eyes rolled back into her head, passed out in his arms.

  
“NO! You’re okay, just, just hold on, I’ve got you,” Tom sputtered out, as he hustled to find his phone and call for an ambulance. Blood oozed onto his legs and he bit back his shaking lip, struggling to keep calm.

  
“You’re going to be okay, please. Please…”


	6. Chapter Six

Nostalgia hit Tom like a truck. The plain, empty walls that seemed to ooze sickness and decay. The air was thick with anticipation, loss, and greatest of all: fear. People sat in the stiff chairs, every other minute anxiously crossing their legs a different way, scrolling through old messages, perhaps from their admitted loved one. But, there was another emotion in the waiting room that cowered in secret behind all the rest, and that was hope. Hope and silent prayers to a god they might not believe in but give a chance anyway because the situation is so dire.

  
He didn’t understand what was happening. They had spent the day designing their future baby’s room, arguing about trivial things like what color to paint the walls. How could a seemingly normal day take such a dramatic turn for the worst?

  
It was so unfair. Tom had finally accepted his love for her and welcomed the idea of bringing a child into their world. He had made countless mistakes and it wasn’t right that she was the one paying for them.

  
“Mr. Holland?” a monotone voice echoed across the waiting room, several hopeful family members jerked their heads up and then shrunk back down into their fears.  
Tom quickly stood to his feet and rushed over to the doctor. He needed to know the outcome but dreaded the worst case scenario.

  
“How is she? What happened to her?” he demanded to know instantly.

  
“Will you please follow me, sir,” the doctor replied, not answering his previous questions. Tom hesitated before entering her room; this was the second time someone he loved was laying in a hospital bed and he felt partly to blame for her being there too.

  
He reluctantly stepped in, cringing at how miserable and exhausted she appeared. He looked upon her forehead drenched in sweat, her fingers stained red with blood, and her bloodshot, barely open eyes. Tom desperately wanted to kneel beside her and hold her hand, to tell her they would get through it together no matter what happened.

  
But he didn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to. He wasn’t just frozen to the spot, within him lay an emotional barrier he couldn’t get past. He wasn’t exactly sure what that was yet, but he just couldn’t look at her, much to her discomfort.

 

The doctor’s eyes shifted between the two of them, unsure why they weren’t huddled together in this crisis, but he decided to get the news over with anyway.

  
“I’m afraid to tell you that despite our best efforts, we were not able to recover the baby. You had a miscarriage. I’m deeply sorry, we have counseling available if-” the doctor began.

  
“What? You- How did this happen? All you can say is that you’re sorry? Our child is dead and that’s all you can tell me?” Tom snapped, his eyes burning red as he practically spat venom out of his mouth towards the doctor. Y/N’s eyes filled with tears; all she did was turn her head away from Tom, so she didn’t have to see what he would do next.

  
“Sir, these things just happen, we have no explanation. There are certain risk factors involved- her age one of them, but none of those are things anyone could have foreseen leading to this tragic outcome,” he tried to explain calmly, but Tom was far from calm.

  
He ran his hands through his messy waves, as he paced the room back and forth. He stopped in his tracks abruptly and turned to her as she was muffling her sobs in the hospital bed. Tom lifted up a shaky finger, pointing at her.

  
“You… This is because of you!” he screamed, the painful feeling of disappointment infiltrated his every thought and action. Her head swiveled to face him, unbelief was written all over her face.

  
“What… Tommy?” she murmured, not sure how to even come up with a response.

  
“Don’t you dare fucking call me that! This. Is. Because. Of. You. Probably happened from all your drunk nights, crying out for Harrison to come to rescue poor you from the evil Tom, right? How could you betray me like this? I was ready to drop everything for you, and you ruined it. You killed our baby and our future! I can’t even fucking look at you right now,” Tom’s accusations hit her harder than any other harsh thing he’s told her in the past. This was by far the worst moment in her life.

  
He gave her one last look of pure disgust before he stormed out the door leaving just her and an astonished doctor.

  
After another moment of silence to soak in what had just happened, the doctor cautiously asked, “Is there someone we could call for you, other than him?”

  
She was so shocked and depressed she couldn’t even cry.

  
“Harrison, Harrison Osterfield.”

 

* * *

  
The doctor fled the room to call Harrison.

  
That’s when the thoughts and realities set in.

  
Tom was gone, probably for good this time. She had nothing left to offer, nothing left to give him. He had no ties to her, he obviously didn’t love her after every cruel word he hurled at her like she was nothing. She flinched at that word, the word in the past he so easily used against her.

  
Why had she believed him? She chuckled cooly at the memory of his past empty promises “A sign that we’re meant to rise above the odds stacked against us.” Where was that Tom? The Tom that vowed to start a new chapter and leave behind their past issues. But, maybe that was the point. They couldn’t move on from their past. The odds were stacked against them, and they would never rise above them.

  
And now, she lay weak and feeble, waiting for Harrison to rescue her again like a damsel in distress. That’s if he even decided to show, he seemed adamant about moving on after she hurt him the last time.

  
Well, not this time, she thought. She ripped the IV’s from her forearms and swung her legs to rest on the cold ground. She attempted to stand and fell to the floor in pain, obviously in no shape to be leaving. But she had too. Determined, she used the side of the bed to pull herself to her feet, legs shaking, but standing. Before fleeing the room, she scrawled a note for Harrison, if he decided to come and didn’t find her:

 

_**‘It’s finally over, Haz. I’ll be at the bridge. I can’t do this anymore, I’m done.’** _

 

* * *

  
Harrison burst into Y/N’s hospital room, breathless and afraid. He didn’t even need to think twice about actually showing up. He let go of her as a lover, but he didn’t want to abandon her as a friend in need.

  
But, the room was empty.

  
Haz let out a loud sigh of frustration and pounded his fists into the door. Of course, she wasn’t here; was this just a cruel trick to tug at his heartstrings once more? He moved to leave and sulk back home, but a note on the bed caught his attention.

  
He snatched up the brief letter, and dread consumed him. It dragged him down like an anchor sinking deeper and deeper until he hit rock bottom of a cold, dark ocean of swarming emotions. He tried to suppress his anger at Tom to worry about at a later time, but he couldn’t help but want to give him the beating Haz took from him. Even at her lowest points, she always had this vision of hope within her. It killed him knowing that Tom was slowly draining the life out of her.

  
He needed to get to her first though; she was his only concern. He must have just missed her; she couldn’t have gotten too far. Harrison tucked the note into his jacket pocket and flung the door open so wide it slammed against the wall leaving a dent. He didn’t care. He just sprinted towards the exit with the bridge in his sight.

  
Breathe, in, out. In, out. That was all he could focus on. Because if he thought about Tom, he would only feel furious and disloyal at the same time. If he thought of her, he would imagine the worst: arriving too late. He wasn’t going to let that happen after everything they had been through together.

  
He never ran faster than he did at that moment. The adrenaline coursing through his veins allowed him to keep pushing through the exhaustion. He swore his heart was going to beat out of his chest, not only from the running, but the distress signals his brain was sending to his entire body.

  
“Y/N! Stop! I’m…” he fell to his knees unable to catch his breath. “I’m here!” he managed to finish.

  
She was perched on top of the railing with her legs dangling off the edge. She turned to face him, and his heart broke all over again at the sight of her shattered expression. Her lips curved downwards into a broken frown.

  
When his eyes met with hers, the rest of their surroundings disappeared. He couldn’t hear the crash of the waves beneath her; he feared her next move as tears tumbled down her delicate cheeks.

  
“Harrison, maybe he’s right. It is my fault. I wasn’t meant to carry a child; I’m not strong enough. I’m too weak, and I shouldn’t have called you because I always cry out to you to save me. You can’t save me this time, Haz. I have to do this; it’s the only thing that seems right to me anymore,” she put all of the painful thoughts into words. As she spoke, he slowly inched closer.

  
“No, please, just get back down and we can talk about this Y/N,” he attempted to coax her into his arms where he could guarantee her safety.

  
“No, no more talking! I made up my mind! I’m done. I’m sorry for what I put you through, and I really hope you find someone who will treat you better than I did when I’m gone,” she made her final apologies. Harrison couldn’t hold back his emotions any longer; fearful, desperate sobs escaped his mouth as he cried out for her to not let go.

  
It all happened in a blur, yet every movement occurred in slow motion. She tilted her head to the sky and sucked in a deep breath. He saw his opportunity and lunged forward. He couldn’t stop her hands from releasing their grip on the rail. His only chance was to time it perfectly.

  
He just needed something, anything to grab onto. Her waist slipped through his fingers, but his grasp tightened around her arm. He breathed out a sigh of relief glad she didn’t struggle to push him away.

  
Harrison pulled her up in seconds, and she toppled into his arms. She laid still and unmoving. She would have done it; she did do it. In her mind, she was as good as dead. Because once she committed to the act, she didn’t feel like a person anymore. She should have died; she wanted to die. She had been ready to drop.

  
He wrapped her up in his coat so close she struggled to breathe. With every breath, she smelled his familiar freshness and snuggled deeper into his arms. As long as he never left her side, she would stay safe. Maybe, that wasn’t a permanent solution, but after what had just happened, it was good enough.

 

_Oh, don’t deceive me. Oh, never leave me…_

 

* * *

  
Tom groggily woke up to pounding on his door, so loud the room shook in response. He swung open the door, confused.

  
The next thing he knew he was shoved to the ground. He struggled to comprehend what was happening, but he fought the body off of him.

  
“You fucking bastard!” Haz’s voice echoed through his ears.

  
“What the fuck are you doing, Harrison!” Tom yelled at his inexplicably outraged best friend.

  
“This,” he growled.

  
He struck Tom across the jaw, blow after blow. Harrison wanted Tom to feel the pain he had caused him, but more importantly, the lengths he drove Y/N to a few hours earlier. Tom never felt the consequences of the words he threw at people, and Haz wanted to change that.

  
Surprisingly, Tom took it all without putting up a fight. Harrison shrunk back a bit letting Tom catch his breath.

  
“Are- are you done now?” Tom asked, honestly with no sarcasm laced in his words.

  
“Your a fucking idiot and an asshole,” Haz spat down on him with no shame.

  
“Okay wh-” Tom began but not before his friend reached into his pocket and threw a crumpled up piece of paper at his chest. Tom’s shaky fingers unraveled the paper, and his expression softened as he read the note.

  
“Yeah- that’s right. Want to know how I spent my night? I fucking saved your girlfriend from jumping off a bridge. I pulled her back up and she’s safe now. No thanks to you. What kind of a man blames the woman carrying his child for a miscarriage? A coward.” Haz tried to get through to him.

  
Tom couldn’t think of any words to say back. Everything Harrison said was true. He knew he was a coward and the furthest thing from a man. He never wanted to hurt her in any way. Every time he tried to do what he knew was the right thing, like thinking about holding her hand while the doctor delivered the news, he let fear consume him. He was terrified of committing himself to her forever. Even though Tom knew she was the one for him, he hated the way love made him feel vulnerable and open. The only logical reaction for him was to close himself off from her, and if he had to make her think he was a monster in the process, then so be it.

  
Haz waited for Tom to speak. He still couldn’t. Tom’s wide, brown eyes filled with tears, and he clung to his best friend who, only a minute earlier, was beating his face into the floor.

  
“Please, Haz, don’t leave. Tell me what to do; tell me how I can fix this. I can’t lose her again. I can’t, I could never live with myself if she had died,” Tom cried into Harrison’s chest no longer concerned about appearing tough.

  
All Tom could feel anymore was guilt. Guilt about the day he walked past her in the coffee shop. Guilt over sleeping with another woman when she called him up in the middle of the night. Guilt over letting his jealousy rip him apart when he sent his best friend to the emergency room. And, now, guilt over the unfair blame he had placed on her, and the actions she took after that.

  
Harrison looked down at Tom with pity. He once felt anger, but now, all he saw was a broken man afraid to let himself love crying out for help.

  
“It’s okay, Tom. I know the first thing you need to do, no matter what she says, is apologize…”

 

* * *

  
Tom’s hands trembled uncontrollably as he took a deep breath in to calm himself. Nervousness ripped him into pieces as he knocked on her door ready to beg for her forgiveness.

  
Y/N opened up the door and took a few steps back to distance herself from him. She didn’t want to admit it, but she felt horrified and afraid of the man she saw in front of her.

  
“What do you want? To tell me again how I murdered our child?” she coldly retorted.

  
Tom gulped, and a single tear ran down his cheek.

  
“No, darling, I’m so, so incredibly sorry. I know you will find it hard to forgive me after everything I said, but just list-” he tried to apologize, but she cut him short.

  
“You know what, Tom? In your very own words: I didn’t sign up for this shit.”

  
The door slammed in his face.

  
Tom crumpled to the ground and pulled his knees into his chest. He couldn’t go on feeling this way. He wasn’t going to give up on her yet, though. He wasn’t ever going to give up on her. Even if that meant he stayed at her door, he would stay there as long as it took for her to listen to him.

 


	7. Chapter Seven

Y/N grabbed her bag and prepared to shuffle out the door already knowing she was going to be late for her early morning class. She flung open her door and much to her surprise was face to face with Tom. Her grip tightened on the door handle, but this time she couldn’t slam it since she needed to leave.

  
“Get out of my way,” she flat-out stated, as best she could without emotion. He had a hopeful look on his face, yet his hands were hiding something behind his back.

  
“Wait!” he called after her since she had already pushed past him. She didn’t want to wait, but her feet stopped before she could convince herself to keep walking. He grinned at her response, and like a child displaying a scribbled, messy drawing, he presented her with a massive bouquet of light pink roses tied together in a white silk ribbon. She involuntary smiled at the gesture; flowers were her weak spot. Her eyes locked with his, and she could only see the reason she fell in love with him in the first place. His eyes shined so bright they drew everyone in; it was impossible to look away, and all she had wanted was to get to know those eyes. At that moment, she wished she could go back to the beginning and do it all over the right way.

  
She broke eye contact and trained her focus on the floor in front of her. There were reasons they couldn’t be together, and no amount of wishing would change that. Before he could say another thing, she took one last look at Tom and sprinted down the stairs without an explanation.

  
Tom’s face fell at her reaction, but he still maintained hope. She had smiled at him, and she couldn’t deny the feelings they had for one another. He would just have to work that much harder to prove it to her.

 

* * *

 

  
Tom waited for her to arrive at her favorite coffee shop; he knew her schedule by heart and anxiously tapped the side of the steaming paper cup. The bells on the front door jingled, and his heart stopped at the sight of her. She looked genuinely happy and glamorous; her eyes radiated with excitement as she opened her laptop and began typing at a rapid pace. He took the chance and cautiously stepped towards her and set down a cup of her preferred drink on the table beside her. She lifted her gaze and squinted at the man in front of her.

  
“What is this?” she lifted up the cup, posing a question.

  
“A peace offering?” he proposed with a sly smirk. This time he received no smile or even anything resembling pleasure with him. She stood up to reach his eye level; she popped off the top of the coffee sending mixed signals and anticipation of her next move through him. Showing no remorse, she splashed the burning coffee into his chest, and he fell backward in shock and pain. He started to smirk again thinking maybe they were remotely even, but she hit him with cruel words.

  
“That’s for fucking accusing me of killing our child and driving me to want to jump off a bridge, you heartless bastard!” she screamed, so loud everyone in the shop overheard and turned to watch the drama go down. Tom hid his face in his hands, beyond humiliated, as she picked up her stuff, stepped over him, and marched out the door. He knew he deserved that and much more, but he was willing to take it all if it meant she would let him back into her heart.

 

* * *

 

  
Days had gone by without any word from Tom, and Y/N thought perhaps she had finally scared him away; she was a little hurt that a hot coffee to the chest was all it took to do that. She worked to convince herself it was all for the best, and it was time to just focus on herself.

  
Raindrops slowly built up their cadence making her regret her decision to take the long walk home from class. She pulled her arms tight to her chest and picked up speed; already shivering and soaked, thunder boomed while lightning streaked across the darkening sky overhead.

  
A pair of headlights spotted her, and the unknown car pulled up beside her sending more fear to her rapidly beating heart.

  
“Y/N! It’s me, Tom! Get in!” he called, out to her as she cringed knowing this was just her luck. She kept her eyes up and away from him, but the rain began to downpour so intensely it could leave bruises. She reluctantly slung open the car door and dove into the warm, dry vehicle.

  
Tom immediately tugged the dripping sweater off of her and replaced it with his snug, designer coat. For a second, his hands rested on her shoulders, and their faces were so close she could feel his breath, hot on her skin. She remembered her pain and unwillingly turned her cheek to the side, but she couldn’t stop her skin from heating up and her hands from shaking. He never took his eyes off of her, though. In a rush of passion, he cupped her wavering chin with his hands and dragged her into a deep kiss that he forgot how much he missed. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she let him take the reins and enjoyed the pure bliss of his touch. Finally, he broke apart from her and brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, staring intently at her. She cleared her throat and looked down, embarrassed.

  
“Umm, the storms getting worse, maybe we should go home…” she suggested with the little confidence left in her.

  
“We?” he clarified, not even trying to hide his contentment. She smiled with her eyes and nodded back to him. Tom rushed to throw the car into drive and speed back.

  
On the drive, she couldn’t help but share a thought that had been eating away at her since they lost the baby.

  
“Tom… I think it would help both of us if we gave our baby a name,” she concluded, fearful of his response. He took a hand off the wheel to squeeze her hand gently.

  
“Absolutely, what name were you thinking?” he asked.

  
“Dominic, like you told me you wanted that night…” she reminded him, and a thrilled grin swept across his face that she remembered his wish. He took his eyes off the road to flash her a look that said yes without any words needed. Y/N clicked off her seatbelt, so she could lean into his body and press a thoughtful kiss of forgiveness to his cheek. Tom involuntarily shut his eyes at her touch drinking in the sweetness of her lips on his skin.

  
Time stopped.

  
Time he could never get back.

  
Time that he desperately pleaded with the universe to allow him to go back and change.

  
But it happened, and there was no going back; there was no predicting it or stopping it. The car swerved off the road, and Tom frightfully yanked on the wheel in the opposite direction to bring it back in the right direction. A towering tree blocked his proposed path, and the hood of the car slammed into it full force. At this point, Tom had given up on bringing them to safety and instead frantically clung onto her, who was unprotected without a seatbelt strapping her into the inside of the car. However, he couldn’t win against the force of the crash, and his hands struggled to hold her as her head broke the impact crashing through the fragile windshield. Glass shattered everywhere, raining down on them even harder than the storm raging above.

  
Tom screamed her name, but he got no response. The silence was deafening. He hauled her frail, unresponsive body into his arms and shook her hoping she would wake, but she didn’t.

  
It was all red; the only color in his vision he could focus on. Bits of glass pierced into his skin stained red with her blood. The same red blood oozed from a growing gash in her forehead; it poured onto his hands as he pressed them onto the wound to try and stop the bleeding. His whole body trembled with adrenaline and panic only making his efforts more futile. Tom knew there wasn’t much more he could do, so he dove his hands into his coat pockets; the coat that was wrapped around her unconscious body. Thankfully, it was in the inside pocket, and he snatched it out and dialed the emergency services as fast as he could. They picked up right away, and he spoke before they could even give their signature line.

  
“I need help, please, oh God, help me!”

 

_**Meant to die, we moved fast and then we crashed** _

 

* * *

  
Harrison burst into the hospital room, and his eyes fell upon Tom, bruised and bloody, clinging onto Y/N’s hand. She lay still, hopefully just sleeping, but he knew otherwise, in the bed. He rushed to her other side but didn’t pester the questions burning to be spoken in his brain concerned for his best friend. They sat in silence watching her chest rise up and retreat back down in a steady motion. There wasn’t anything to say because nothing would bring either of them comfort. In front of them lay a girl they were both in love with, but neither of them would admit that to each other.

  
Hours passed like this, and neither Tom or Harrison dared to leave her bedside. After even more time passed, they both lay their heads on the bed lightly sleeping.

  
Y/N’s eyes flickered awake; her head pounding in confusion. Tom was the first to notice; her grip on his hand had tightened sending a jolt of electricity through his body.

  
“You’re awake! Oh my god, you’re okay! I’m so, so sorry! I did everything I could to keep you with me, you have to know that,” Tom gushed out, saying all the things he had spent hours wanting to tell her. Her gaze shifted to meet his, but something in his chest felt terribly wrong. The way she looked at him was nothing like how she did before they kissed amidst the storm in his car.

  
“I’m-- sorry… Do I know you?”

  
His heart stopped. With a single question, she broke it into pieces. Splintered it. Stomped on it. Crushed it. Shattered it. Now, he was left with a shriveled up, dead organ that once beat for her and only her.

  
Harrison, who had been quietly shrinking away to leave once he knew she was awake and alright hesitated at the door. He had begun to make his way out assuming she wouldn’t want to see anyone but Tom. He turned to meet Tom’s eyes.

  
He stepped backward reeling from all the emotions Tom’s stare carried with it. He could see the utter shock and disbelief that soon turned into acceptance and realization. With that came fear, denial, the useless wish that he had heard her wrong, and that he was hallucinating. Haz, with the shared look, could feel every gut-wrenching pain Tom felt. The horror and unfairness of it all couldn’t possibly get any worse. Or, so Tom thought…

  
“Where is he?” Y/N broke their moment with her pleading question. Tom only could tilt his head in confusion as a response still too shellshocked too move his lips and form words.

  
“My boyfriend! Where is he?” she repeated, expanding a little more. A flood of relief filled Tom, and he clutched her hand once again.

  
“It’s me, darling! I’m right here,” he effused, his tone dramatically improving.

  
“Who are you? You aren’t him… You aren’t Harrison.”

 

_**Trying to salvage what’s undone and deny you got outrun tonight.** _


	8. Chapter Eight

“Who are you? You aren’t him…  _ You aren’t Harrison _ .”

 

Tom blinked twice not believing what he was hearing. His eyes turned to Harrison who had a wide grin plastered on his face. At the heat from Tom’s glare, he struggled to regain his composure.

 

“No, darling, I’m not Harrison, but--”

 

“Where is he? Please I need to see him,” she begged, making him feel worthless and dejected like a forgotten toy kicked under the bed. Tom gave her a slight nod and fled the room before either of them could watch him fall apart.

 

Harrison finally advanced a few steps closer to the bed, so he was within her eyesight. Her face lit up with relief, and she extended a hand for him to grab onto. He paused, soaking in the reality of the situation. Y/N wanted him. Not Tom. It seemed too good to be true. What if she remembered Tom in a few days and tossed him to the side, once again? Harrison couldn’t let that happen; he wouldn’t allow it. He was ultimately handed the golden ticket with her amnesia, and he couldn’t let the opportunity go to waste.

 

Without another second to think, he clutched her scraped-up hand in his and held on for dear life. He held on as if he knew he would lose her the moment he let go. All he had to do was just keep holding on to her.

 

Her weary eyes fluttered shut, and Haz let out a deep sigh of reassurance. Tom rapped at the glass window into the room watching the scene unfold in front of him in frustration, with a feeling of helplessness. Harrison reluctantly released his hold on her and followed Tom into the hallway outside her room.

 

“What?” a twinge of annoyance was evident in Haz’s tone of voice. 

  
“What do you mean, what? What the hell do you think you’re doing? She’s not yours to hold!” Tom scoffed, surprised he even had to explain his exasperation.

 

“And what makes you think she’s yours?” he responded, with a calm, even voice only furthering Tom’s disbelief and rage.

 

“In the car! Before it crashed, we kissed. We named  _ our baby _ ! We were going home; we were back together. We  _ are _ back together!” he rushed to explain. The soft smirk on Haz’s face disappeared at the news.

 

“Yeah, before you crashed. What is this, the second time you almost killed the so-called love of your life?” Harrison sneered, even he was a little shocked that he let his thoughts slip out in the open. Tom’s jaw clenched as he gripped his best friend’s collar with two hands and slammed his head against the window.

 

“Don’t even fucking blame this on me! All you ever do is chase after everything that’s mine; fuck, just find something of your own for once, yeah?” Tom retorted, his words building up the intensity between the two of them to the extreme.

 

“You’re such an arrogant ass  always thinking everyone is just dying to be like you. Maybe, you just can’t see that I put myself second every day so that you can live out your dreams. I’m done doing that! What we have isn’t a friendship; I’m just an assistant to you. But not anymore, have fun living life without someone to clean up after the mess you make every time,” Haz spat, revealing the pent-up truth that had been eating away at him for years. Tom’s eyes began to water as he released his hold on his friend not just physically, but emotionally as well.

 

“That’s… really how you feel about me?” Tom’s voice was barely louder than a whisper at this point. Harrison shrunk at his best friend’s reaction. He considered retracting his comment and going on the way things always were, but he had reached his limit. They were already beyond broken; no amount of glue could put them back together.

 

“Yeah…” was all he could muster to say back. Tom’s face dropped, and he took another step backward.

 

“Oh… I’m sorry; I didn’t realize-- I… I’ll just leave you two together, I guess,” Tom sputtered, feeling absolutely destroyed.

 

“Yeah, wait--Tom,” Haz called out after him. Tom hopefully glanced back awaiting an apology or something like that.

 

“Maybe… I’ll see you around?” he murmured, not able to find the right words when faced with the end of the longest friendship he had ever known. The only real friendship he had ever been apart of. Everything has a breaking point, and Tom and Harrison had reached theirs.

 

* * *

 

Y/N swung her hand back and forth; her fingers intertwined in Harrisons. The cool breeze whipped her hair in all directions, and she gave up on trying to tame it. Since the accident, things with Haz seemed picture perfect, yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t  _ her _ life. She also felt like he was being secretive with her, and it was beyond frustrating.

 

She looked off to her left, and her eyes fell upon a tall bridge over a fast-moving river. Inside, something churned in her like she shared a connection to the bridge. She froze in place yanking Harrison back with her. When his eyes landed on the bridge, panic arose in him.

 

“Haz… Why do I know that bridge?” she questioned, hoping he would give her some real answers.

 

“Uh, you don’t. Well, actually, you do! It’s nothing, though. We just… sometimes go on runs over it. Sometimes, not a lot but, uh, one time you almost fell! Yeah, you were leaning over, and you slipped but I pulled you up; so it’s all good,” Harrison hurried to explain, not making much sense.

 

Her hands flew to her head cradling it in her hands. A flashback overcame her memory: the feeling of fear and dangling under the bridge. There was something else, too.

 

Sadness.

 

It felt deep, so deep there was no way out. So deep, it would drive her to do something reckless.

 

Like, jump off a bridge?

 

Her head turned to meet his eyes. She knew he was lying to her but why?

 

“Are you okay?” he asked, concerned. She shook off the feeling and nodded back up at him.

 

Haz wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and she leaned back into his tender touch. That memory stirred up something traumatic in her, and maybe the amnesia was a blessing. She took Harrison’s hand once again pushing any recollection of whatever happened on that bridge out of her thoughts.

 

* * *

 

Y/N carefully removed the plastic top to her coffee, and she watched as the thick cloud of steam enveloped and filled her chest with a content, bubbly warmth. Her mind began to wander, and she stared intently at the foamy surface of the hot liquid. Her fingers started to quake as she involuntarily slipped into another painful memory.

 

It was like a series of pictures, and emotions hit her all at once; she was just along for the ride. There was anger and resentment mixed with passion so strong it was almost out of anyone’s control. She envisioned herself splashing coffee in his face only a few feet from where she was sitting, but before that something worse. She felt rejection; he had denied knowing her after a messy history with him.

 

Why would Harrison do that?

 

Only, it didn’t seem like it was Haz who fit into her memories; it was someone different.

 

_ Tom… _

 

He was that guy who was there when she woke up, but just the thought of his name brought hurt  and love to her heart. Questions built up one on top of the other, but there was only one she needed to answer for herself:

 

_ Who was Tom? _

 

She closed her eyes and pictured his face, but the memories still didn’t come to her clearly. She flipped open her laptop and surfed through pictures hoping to find something of them together, but her efforts were futile. Sighing in annoyance, she almost closed it, but not before a folder caught her eye. She eagerly clicked it open and glanced over a long document titled ‘Made of Glass.’

 

The first few sentences drew her in right away:

 

**I knew from the beginning that there was no place for feelings with Tom, and maybe, if I would have listened to my own advice for once, I wouldn’t be in this place. In one day, I lost a baby and jumped off a bridge neither of which would have happened if I had never met him.**

 

She slammed her laptop shut; all of it came back to her at once. They were going to have a  _ baby _ . He came back to her at the airport to get her to stay, then blamed the death on her. He beat up Haz, the same friend who saved her from drowning. Little snippets from conversations swarmed around in her consciousness; a few in particular hit her especially hard… 

 

_ I’d name him Dominic after my dad. _

 

_ Tom, wait, it’s not what you think! _

 

_ You’re absolutely nothing, and that’s what you mean to me _

 

_ A sign that we’re meant to rise above the odds stacked against us. _

 

_ You’re going to be okay, please. _

 

_ You killed our baby and our future!  _

 

_ No, please, just get back down and we can talk about this Y/N! _

 

Her breaths grew ragged and quick; it was all too much to take in at once. She moved to leave the coffee shop, but found Harrison walking towards her with a smile on his face.

 

“Hey, love how are y-” she didn’t let him finish as she marched to meet him and slapped him roughly across his cheek. His fingers grazed over the growing pink wound and looked down at her in confusion.

 

“You lied to me! You tried to keep me from remembering everything! Was this all some twisted way of keeping me to yourself? Depriving me of my memories, so you could make my choice for me? Well, too late, consider it already made,” she yelled viciously at the man she foolishly thought was her boyfriend only hours earlier. He tried to pull her back into him and reached out to hold onto her wrist, but she forcefully pushed his hand away and ran out the door.

 

“Y/N, please, let me explain!” he called after her, but she didn’t stop running.

 

Her mind was racing as her feet somehow knew the way to Tom’s apartment even though her brain didn’t remember. She struggled to hold in her tears; she wanted to be strong and capable more than anything. Much to her surprise, she didn’t feel angry at Tom anymore. After all they had been through, she just wanted to see him again.

 

Her feet pounded up the stairs; out of breath, she banged her fists repeatedly on his door praying he was home. Otherwise, she had no idea what to do. The door flung open, and a puzzled Tom stood behind it. His eyes lit up with softness at her presence, and she hurried to embrace him. She buried her head into his neck, and he held her tight to his body. Her lips trembled as she turned her cheek to face him.

 

_ “I remember, Tommy; I remember all of it!” she exclaimed.  _


	9. Chapter Nine

“I remember, Tommy; I remember all of it!” she exclaimed.

 

Tom was speechless; he had no idea how to even begin to response. Should he apologize again for his countless mistakes? Did the fact that she was in his arms mean she had forgiven him? Did she want to continue where they left off in the moments before the crash, or did she want something different? He tried to say something, anything at this point, but he was left staring at her dumbfounded.

 

She pulled back from him and rested her palm on his cheek in a soothing manner. His eyes fluttered shut and just one touch from her filled him with a sense of calm, which nobody else could make him feel. Tom realized he didn’t just want her; he needed her.

 

“So what does this mean, then?” he broke the silence. His heart beat out of his chest in anticipation for her confession. He knew that everything was laid out on the table for once; there was no running from their emotions anymore. With this came the fear of finally exposing his true feelings, but also relief, they were stepping off the carousel of endless hurt and retaliation.

 

“I want you, Tom,” she began, and he grinned at the sound of those four words rolling off her tongue. She slipped her hand down to his shoulder giving it a light squeeze as she continued.

 

“I want you, but I don’t know if I should. How do we do this? How do we be together after everything? Can we even do tha-” she asked question after question, but he couldn’t let her go on any longer.

 

He leaned in close enough that their lips just brushed slightly against each other, frozen still in that space, neither one daring to go further. Tom didn’t have any answers that would satisfy her because he couldn’t guarantee anything. All he could say was the truth of how he felt.

 

“All I know is I can’t lose you again. So, whatever we have to do to prevent that from happening: I’ll do it,” he vowed. She relaxed a little with that revelation, but her questions still remained unanswered. She only had one solution in mind; it was a hard one to make even though it felt like the right thing to do. Tom could sense she was holding something back from him, so he prodded her to go on. Her hands shook, and she took a small step backward away from him.

 

“We need a break,” she blurted out. His chest felt compact like there was no room for his lungs to expand. He knew that it made sense, but when he promised to do whatever it took, he imagined spending time with her, not away from her.

 

“Oh,” he looked away, her heart weighed down with guilt at his reaction.

 

“It just seems like the only way. Just, please, listen to me,” she begged of him. He tilted his chin upward, looking like a downcast puppy as he nodded for her to go on.

 

“We went through a trauma together, and now that we survived, we want to cling to each other. That’s just not healthy– we’re both broken, and we’ll never last if we crawl back together like this. I need some time…” she explained. He couldn’t argue with her logic; he wanted to deny it, but it was true.

 

“H-how much time?” his voice faltered. She broke eye contact and toyed with the buttons on her coat instead of looking at him.

 

“I don’t know… a year?” she suggested, he couldn’t contain his shock.

 

“A year!” Tom near shouted, hurt that she felt they needed that long.

 

“Yeah.” One word confirmed to him that she had already made up her mind, and it would be useless to try and change it.

 

“So… how do I know when to contact you again?” he asked, already feeling like she was gone.

 

“What if we agreed to meet at a time and place, or not. If we both show up, that means we want to try again. But if we don’t show, that means we’ve moved on,” she proposed.

 

It made a lot of sense to Tom, but the thought of her not showing devastated him. He knew he would be counting down the days until he could see her again.

 

“Okay,” was all he responded with.

 

She couldn’t leave on that note, so she leaped into his arms for possibly the last time. She slung her arms over his neck; his hands found her waist, and her feet barely skimmed the surface of the floor. He breathed in her delicious scent so deeply he hopefully would never forget it. He wondered if he could hold her so close; maybe, she would change her mind and never leave him. He struggled to come up with anything to make her stay. Maybe he could lock the doors? Follow her wherever she decided to go? Beg on his knees, and refuse to let go of her hands? It was just wishful thinking; she was going to walk out that door no matter what he did. He closed his eyes and soaked up the bliss he felt with her in his arms praying the moment would last forever. As she let go, it shattered, and his only wish was that, with time, he could put them back together.

 

* * *

Y/N heard a knock at her door and leaped over piles of her belongings she needed to decide whether or not to bring with her. Not thinking to ask who it was, she pulled open the door and regretted it immediately.

 

“Harrison,” she tried to sound as disinterested as possible when all she felt was heartache at the sight of him. He invited himself in and froze in place once he realized she was in the process of moving.

 

“You’re just going to leave? That’s it? Were you even planning on telling me?” his voice boomed throughout the room in disbelief. She crossed her arms in front of her chest refusing to feel pity for him.

 

“It’s not really your concern. By the way, I didn’t say you could come in,” she deflected his outraged questions with ease, only furthering his anger.

 

“Not my concern? NOT MY CONCERN? After everything I’ve done for you, for us, you toss that all away because of one mistake? Maybe, I could understand that but not when Tom has done much worse and you pathetically fall back to him every damn time,” Haz spat, and cringed at his last statement knowing it was a step to far.  She lost all hope of remaining cool and collected at that accusation from him.

 

“You know the one thing Tom never did, though? He never lied about my own past to keep me to himself. He didn’t take advantage of my memory loss; in fact, when I thought you were my boyfriend, he respected that and left me to be happy,” she called attention to the weight of his mistake. Harrison bit his lip in frustration and moved to stand closer to her.

 

“Because you weren’t going to make the right decision! So, I did what I thought would keep you happy; I protected you from him. It wasn’t because I wanted you to myself. I just… wanted to keep you safe, and I thought the best way to do that was keep you in my arms,” he divulged. She didn’t think he could say anything that would get her to understand, but in his own twisted way he was trying to help. That still didn’t make what he did right or fair to her.

 

“Well, now, I’m making the right decision for me, and the only thing that feels right is to leave,” she admitted to him, not ready to forgive him yet. Haz was at least thankful that if he couldn’t be with her neither could Tom. It all seemed to him like everything that happened amounted to absolutely nothing. She was just going to leave.

 

“So… is this the last time I’ll ever see you?” his eyes filled to the brim with watery tears. He almost preferred the constant back and forth than to losing her completely.

 

She couldn’t forgive him, but she didn’t want to leave him a broken mess. He was right in that they had history they couldn’t push aside as if it meant nothing. Her mind flashed back to the night she pressed the dial button and spoke to him for the very first time. He hadn’t even known her, yet he had shown up to her door because that’s the kind of man he was. Fiercely loyal and he cared way more than the average person. How could she just walk away from someone like that?

 

“I can’t say anything for sure, but if we do see each other again, it’ll never be in the way you want it too,” she honestly revealed. The cold, hard truth felt like a slap in the face to him, but one that he saw coming since the very beginning. He didn’t know what to do; he felt unwanted and dejected. Harrison began to make his way out without a goodbye thinking that was what she wanted. She reached out to grab a fistful of his shirt and pulled him back in for the last time.

 

“Don’t you dare leave us like that,” she threatened and rested her forehead on his. He breathed out a sigh of relief and clutched her waist securely.

 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so, so sorry for all of this,” the tears in his eyes finally spilled over and rolled down his flushed cheeks, one after the other. She hushed him and cradled his defeated face in the crook of her neck wishing she could make it better for him. She wondered how different things would be if she had never called him and just got through that night Tom hurt her on her own. Tom would have shown up the next morning with his roses and apologies, and she would have forgiven him. She couldn’t help but feel like her actions only served the purpose to tear Haz to pieces.

 

“No, this has always been my fault,” she conceded placing all the blame on herself. His chin quivered as he cried and gaped at her response.

 

“Who honestly cares anymore whose damn fault it is? I don’t. Just… wherever you’re going, promise me one thing?” he reassured.

 

“Yeah?” she waited for him to continue.

 

“Be happy, okay?” Harrison asked of her.

 

_“Okay.”_


	10. Epilogue

Tom turned restlessly over and over in his crisp, white sheets. Every other minute he reached across the bed to check the time on his phone, and each time it still wasn’t midnight yet. He didn’t exactly know what to expect once it became a new day, except that it could make or break him. Maybe not break him, he thought, just really let him down. Tomorrow marked one year since Y/N went away. Without her, he had adapted quite well to being alone and had even found some peace and happiness in it. Harrison and him had begun to rebuild their friendship, but it still would never be exactly the same as it had been before her. Tom cringed when he remembered he still hadn’t told Haz he was planning on seeing her today; he worried it would send everything they had built up again down like a small poke to a tower of blocks.

 

 He opened up his phone for the hundredth time, finally midnight this time. He sighed and tried to imagine a scenario in which everything played out perfectly between them. Tom still couldn’t push away the dread that made him think she was probably better off without him. What if she didn’t show? That thought alone made him consider not even going to meet her in the first place. After all, he had constructed a life and career he was proud of and he didn’t necessarily need her like before. Now, he just wanted her badly. Pondering his options, he eventually shut his eyes without making a clear decision over whether or not he would show up in the morning. 

 

* * *

 

Y/N looked over her reflection in the mirror repeatedly, too nervous to step outside the bathroom into the coffee shop. She couldn’t keep her cool knowing Tom could be right outside the door, waiting for her. Her hand froze holding onto the door handle, and she considered hiding in there until surely he had left. But, what if he wasn’t even there?

 

 She leaned her back onto the door and slid down until she hit the floor with a thunk. She cursed herself for not planning this like a normal person. She could have just texted him to either cancel or make sure they both were coming. Instead, here she was shaking on the floor, hiding in the bathroom.

 

 She bit her lip angrily at herself. If she could take away just one thing from the last year, it was the strength she was capable of. She was no longer the girl who cried Harrison every time things got tough; she only had herself and that was all she needed. She knew she didn’t need Tom, but she just wanted him badly.

 

 Feeling a rush of courage, she stood up and brushed herself off as she stepped out into the shop. Her eyes confidently scanned the room, but he wasn’t there. Yet. She checked the time, relieved to find there was still five more minutes until they had agreed to meet. She picked up her coffee and took a seat at an angle where she could get a clear view of the door. Every time the bells on the door chimed, her head shot upward and excitement filled her. But, each time it was never him walking in. She switched back and forth between hopefulness and disappointment as the minutes ticked by. She avoided checking the time, too nervous to see how late he was. She settled with twisting the cover to her drink over and over to keep herself occupied.

 

 After what felt like way too long, she reluctantly opened her phone, only to find he was more than an hour late. Regret and shame seeped into her mind; she felt foolish sitting here waiting for a man who had obviously moved on. Her bottom lip trembled as she slung her bag over her shoulder and trudged out of the shop, defeated. She stepped outside and the sun’s rays soaked into her bare skin, lightening up her mood. This was definitely a sign from heaven that she should be content with this moment of closure. She shouldn’t be upset, but pleased with his decision. Maybe it was the best thing for the both of them.

 

 Y/N threw her head back and smiled cheerfully at the cloudless, upbeat sky. Once she got to her car, she flung the door open and started to step inside. Suddenly, an arm blocked her path and she twisted her head back to see who it belonged to.

 

_Tom_

 

His curly, chocolate hair was disheveled and he looked like he had just gotten out of bed ten minutes earlier. His fingers anxiously tapped the side of his thigh as he opened his mouth to explain his tardiness.

 

 “You see, I was supposed to meet this girl over an hour ago but I’m a div and I slept in. The thing that’s kind of funny about it, though, is that in a way it’s her fault because she kept me up all night. Really, she’s been keeping me up every night since she left. She’s just that amazing,” Tom paused and his eyes zoned out as if he was looking at someone else. A sweet smile crept across his lips and he nodded slightly, then continued to speak.

 

 “If you see her, could you tell her Tom Holland is hoping she’ll forgive him and they can start over?” he finished, staring at her with pleading eyes and hope laced in his words. Being this close to him was so surreal, she almost couldn’t bring herself to think or speak. His scent was intoxicating, and fresher than the hoodie she had stole from him and slept in every night in his absence. After all the time away, Tom had become this heavenly imagine in her mind; she forgot the enchanting feeling of his eyes looking into hers.

 

 “I think that can be arranged,” she teased and couldn’t hold herself back from him any longer. She leaped into his inviting arms and he pulled her in, savoring the moment he had been looking forward to for so long. He raked a hand softly through her silky hair, and all at once the memories of all the little things that made her special came flooding back to him.

 

 The way her eyes twinkled and she bit her lip to keep herself from smiling at his cheesy jokes. The way she walked next to him, with her fingers loosely intertwined with his as she gently skipped forward. And, best of all, the way her lips felt pressed on his, taking him to another world.

 

 He cupped her face between his grasp and intensely brought her down to meet him. Her hands snaked over the top of his shoulders and he leaned in so close there was nothing left separating them. His lips parted slightly encouraging her to take the kiss further. He swept his hands down to grip her waist tightly so she would never leave him again. 

 

Which, she did not plan on ever doing again.

 

* * *

 

Haz shuffled forward, dodging others on the busy street, but not before someone bumped into him and caused his phone to slip through his fingers. He sighed in frustration as he bent down to pick it up, luckily no cracks scratched the screen. His gaze shifted up and he dropped his phone again at the sight in his vision. 

 

Was he hallucinating?

 

Tom was leaning across an open car door, apparently talking fast to Y/N. Nostalgia creeped back into his thoughts, and he was hit with a blast from the past. Haz expected to feel sadness, or even anger at Tom for not telling him she was back. But, in all honesty, he didn’t feel anything. As he continued to stare at the two of them, he was surprised to find that he just didn’t care anymore. If anything, he was a little pleased that they found a way to make it work after time away from each other. Not many people could make it back together after that much history.

 

 Tom met Harrison’s gaze from across the street, and he paused worried that Haz would be upset. Haz cleared up the situation as he famously tipped his drink in Tom’s direction and grinned to show his support. For a brief second, Tom smiled back and everything had finally fell back into place. A wave of relief hit Haz, this was the last piece of their puzzle; their friendship felt complete again.

 

 Tom broke away from his stare, and Haz reached down again to pick up his phone, but this time a massive crack splintered the glass screen in two. 

 

“Great,” he rolled his eyes at his clumsiness and continued to hurry down the street again.

 

 After all, he had a date to make it to.

 

_**A/N: Tell me if you enjoyed the ending!! :))** _


End file.
